INTRUDERS

"Half of the time I have satisfied my crave, the other half, I lost my appetite." -- ArmandDC. 2.5 FP points

MIRROR MIRROR

"With a director who favors looks more than the way a movie must be told, 'Mirror Mirror' will only stay as a honey glazed version of a classic telltale." -- ArmandDC. 2.5 FP points

THE HUNGER GAMES

"A movie that is enthralling, exhilarating and at once emotional. Horrific and at once vulnerable." -- ArmandDC. 4 FP points

CORAZON: ANG UNANG ASWANG

"With such shoddy editing and inconsistent pacing; 'Corazon' thrives in serving one of the most chilling scenes...of the year by far. It also thrives in shoving us confusion to our faces." -- ArmandDC. 2.5 FP points

GONE

"It would be harsh to say that 'it would be unfair to rate this movie, because nothing is really here' however rating the movie sugarcoated-ly would make myself a hypocrite." -- ArmandDC. 1 FP point

Friday, June 1, 2012

And I Thought: 'Piranha 3DD' MUST GET BACK TO EXTINCTION.

In the process of watching disappointing movies, I've learned to adapt to the "way" looking out for a movie, should be. I've learned not to be too excited for a film, because that really opens up a door for disappointment to come in. This information suits best for 'Piranha 3DD', the sequel to the more self-aware predecessor, 'Piranha3D'. It basically features…nothing. The premise of "double the D's" in the promotion and marketing of the film - I don't know - but I think "double the D's" really meant "double the dumbness". The predecessor is a dumb movie too; however it is too dumb that it has became pulpy fun in the end. And there is a fine line between being bad as bad and being good as bad. Fuck 'Piranha 3DD'.
  
‘3DD’ is a perplexed creature: it doesn’t know whether it is a shocker, continuing its predecessor’s triumph; or the much awaited 5th installment of ‘Scary Movie’. And like its creature, ‘Piranha 3DD’ in my opinion should have been extinct and never should have it popped out of the screen at all.


The plot of this tripe resembles that of its predecessor. Occurring in the time after the piranha incident on Lake Virginia, and in the place of a popular water park wherein the main attraction is boobs bigger than bowling balls, our flesh-eating piranhas are back with a vengeance (notice how cheesy and dumb that was; you’d see many of that in the film too. You got lots of supply for that). 

And there’s really nothing more I can say to that because really there is nothing left. (Well, that is besides the earlier mentioned interminable supply of cheesiness and stupidity.) Perhaps, what is there to tell is that Ving Rhames is back with his “shotgun” legs which at first I thought were badass and super “kicks”. See what I did there—“kicks”? Anyways, in the first few moments of Ving Rhames piranha slaying sequence, I thought okay, this is actually pretty cool and then not for a few moments after okay, shit, I’m bored I’m gonna leave. This is the only thing this movie’s got left. I’m mean sometimes, I’m aware of that.


When ‘Piranha 3DD’ first released its movie poster, I was instantaneously interested because I freakin’ loved the first movie. Then the trailer came out. Bummer it was ter-ri-BLE. Then I find out the guy who made the ‘Flesh’ movies is going to make this thing happen. I must admit that I slightly have fetish for gory porn therefore I had my interest tugged once more. I wasn’t disappointed with the gore; it was more grotesque than the first, however sometimes these scenes tend to be messy too. There was one scene in particular in which a piranha comes out off of a teenage girl’s vagina and then eat the guy’s penis in an instant. I mean, it doesn’t even make sense.

You’ll get confused in watching ‘Piranha 3DD’; at first it’s clear: Okay, I’m familiar with this. It’s the movie which embraces the idea of nudity and teenage sex. I didn’t even thought of it as a piranha movie, for Pete’s sakes. Sometimes there are parody-esque scenes like one parodying ‘A Nightmare on the Elm Street’. It is not even aware of what to do with its own stupidity. ‘Piranha 3DD’ is one of the most perplexing movie I’ve seen in a time—probably the worst kind, too.

Unnecessary and unwanted, ‘Piranha 3DD’ is one of those sequels which just pulls down a franchise to massive mortality and sometimes…extinction. (I hope it won’t end like this, I had hopes for this movie but…oh well.)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Fairytale and History Takes on The Big Screen.

As May paces to its end so fast, I could no longer contain my joy as two more high caliber films are on their way--'The Dark Knight Rises' and 'The Amazing Spiderman' excluded, which both will come out on July. 'Snow White and the Huntsman' is going to be shown everywhere in the world by June 1st and 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' will be out 21st of June [It is a good birthday treat to myself, yep that's right, June 21, 1995 folks]. However 'Lincoln' might be screened one day later in the Philippines, but oh well.



'Snow White and the Huntsman' has received good reviews and from the looks of the trailer, it ain't going to be your mama's fairytale. It stars Kristen Stewart (from [grimace face on], 'Twilight') who I (cross-fingers) hope doesn't put on her poker-face in the movie throughout, as Snow White; Chris Hemsworth ('Cabin in the Woods') as the Huntsman; and Charlize Theron ('Young Adult') as the wicked Queen. The narrative is based on the Huntsman's perspective which tugged my interest. It looks like a promising film, however we have no prerogatives to dismiss the fact that most of the times, fairy-tale turned blockbusters are sliding down a hill. We'll see about that, June 1st.


'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' is an upcoming film by director Timur Bekmambetov who also did the eye-candy 'Wanted' starring Angelina Jolie. Heard that Tim Burton has helped in the production and that almost hypes me out for a moment--I'm adding this to my list. It's a dark and eerie depiction of Abraham Lincoln who, in this movie's reality, is not just a president but also a vampire maiming hipster at night. I have high hopes in this film especially because Mary Elizabeth Winstead ('The Thing'; 'Final Destination 3') is in it who is by the way one of the chicks I got my eyes on some films.


Whether you're at the Philippines or overseas, both films are going to be released in the said dates. So...let's all watch it together and lay down verdicts, yes? Always stay tune for updates on all things film, another yes?

Monday, May 28, 2012

'Dark Kinght Rises': New Catwoman Poster and More Plot Details.

With much exponential speed of the days passing, it is no mystery how DC stays consistent in marketing their upcoming heavyweight feature, 'The Dark Knight Rises'. On the opposite side of DC's table, Marvel, have marketed 'The Avengers' efficiently and it worked that it held on top grosser for a handful of weeks consecutive, earning number four top grossing movies of all time. And from the looks of it, TDKR will in great chances have the same fate.

A few days ago, as I was browsing for some interesting news (trust me, there were grunting ones; but at least we have this enlightening information), I went to find ScreenRant's post about a new Dark Knight Rises poster. There was no prerogative to hide the fact that I was interested in taking a look at it--in fact I was hype. Hype to learn how far DC will go in terms of marketing.

I was happy to see a Catwoman poster staying still on my screen. Selina Kyle's strutter heel stomped on a metal bat thingy stings an idea of Bruce Wayne having a hard time on taking control of his villains, Bane being the top of them all. It had the same rainy theme like the initial poster, which showed Bane triumphant over the "Caped Crusader". The release of the new poster kept me reading about it too; it was released via a QR code which redirected to the picture uploaded in the official website of DKR.

If you got no QR scanner, here's a chance to peek into the said poster.


 If the new poster left you craving for more, take a peek of these international DKR banners.



Hopeful that Anne Hathaway won't mess things up, and that goes to everybody from the film, I am now officially having my eyes on this threequel. The new details for the plot kept my interest on higher grounds.

Gotham city is under the threat of Bane, a ruthless criminal who have broken out of prison along with the other criminals to attack the city. "Caped Crusader" Batman must rise once more to finish the approaching evil after semi-retiring after the Joker mayhem. There have been talks too that plot points may be based off the 'Batman VS Catwoman' kids book.

For more updates about everything film, continue spending time with us.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

For Adults ALSO: 'The Pirates! Band of Misfits'.

Look out; there be clay in these waters! I know by myself that I could use a little clay-motion by the best studio there is for such niche, Aardman animations. It’s my second Aardman experience shortly after my first, ‘Artur Christmas’, which had commanded me to see everything they make after it. And then here be your film critic, enjoyed another animation fun, this time, with the “aaaarghhh-ing” motley crew of Pirates. It has been a time since I have seen it on theaters and it just now that I have had the words to put to a movie review.

With balanced amounts of shrewd wordplay and slapstick, ‘The Pirates! Band of Misfits’ is a comedic movie FOR ADULTS…ALSO. Yeah, that’s about that.

Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant), a frustrated captain of a ship, is on his 20th annual attempt to be the “Pirate of the Year”. He had plans for this year, along with his half-brain crew and his special parrot. He falls short and finds himself out of luck again and then a lonely version of Charles Darwin (David Tennant) approaches him only to learn that his friendly pet bird is in fact a rare kind of Dodo bird, and in fact might be the last one in the world. 

POP! TING!! Idea bulbs seem to flicker on Pirate Captain and Charles Darwin overhead. Pirate Captain’s parrot may be the only card well-worth to play to earn himself the “Pirate of the Year” award. This is to fund his candidacy because he himself has proved that plague ships and ghost ships doesn’t hold much gold. Pirate Captain and Charles Darwin for his own reasons, desperately seeks for things and they are all up to almost anything. Even visiting a wicked pirate-hater queen from London (Imelda Staunton) is topping the list.


The significant improvement with the film’s animation is almost revolutionary. As might be identical with the better blend of slapstick and dialogue-comedy that is featured in the film, the stop-motion animation stirred with digital animation is apparently a tasty blend too. It is motioning to a radical change. There are backdrops which are digitally injected and CGI elements; there are helicopter and crane shots which are certainly stunning. Perhaps, if ‘Pirates!’ could have things to brag, this one will top the list of their wide selection.

Main problem, though, is the paperweight plot. It bothers me to know such information however it is still enough to lay down confrontations and conflicts enough to be as inviting to the audiences.

Hugh Grant’s vocal performance is unrecognizable to the extent that I have completely mistaken him of a different voice actor. Doctor Who star David Tennant plays his role good as Charles Darwin; and Imelda Staunton is once again a villain. I HATE PIRATES! The evil queen would yell, I know by myself that I now love Pirates, especially after seeing this.

Visually stark and efficiently hilarious, ‘The Pirates! Band of Misfits’ is officially the best movie in the pirate genre. And that’s to you Jack Sparrow!!