In the process of watching
disappointing movies, I've learned to adapt to the "way" looking out
for a movie, should be. I've learned not to be too excited for a film, because that
really opens up a door for disappointment to come in. This information suits
best for 'Piranha 3DD', the sequel to the more self-aware predecessor, 'Piranha3D'. It basically features…nothing. The premise of "double the D's"
in the promotion and marketing of the film - I don't know - but I think
"double the D's" really meant "double the dumbness". The
predecessor is a dumb movie too; however it is too dumb that it has became pulpy
fun in the end. And there is a fine line between being bad as bad and being
good as bad. Fuck 'Piranha 3DD'.
‘3DD’ is a perplexed creature: it doesn’t know whether it is a shocker,
continuing its predecessor’s triumph; or the much awaited 5th
installment of ‘Scary Movie’. And like its creature, ‘Piranha 3DD’ in my
opinion should have been extinct and never should have it popped out of the
screen at all.
The plot of this tripe resembles
that of its predecessor. Occurring in the time after the piranha incident on
Lake Virginia, and in the place of a popular water park wherein the main
attraction is boobs bigger than bowling balls, our flesh-eating piranhas are
back with a vengeance (notice how cheesy and dumb that was; you’d see many of
that in the film too. You got lots of supply for that).
And there’s really nothing more I
can say to that because really there is nothing left. (Well, that is besides
the earlier mentioned interminable supply of cheesiness and stupidity.)
Perhaps, what is there to tell is that Ving Rhames is back with his “shotgun” legs
which at first I thought were badass and super “kicks”. See what I did there—“kicks”?
Anyways, in the first few moments of Ving Rhames piranha slaying sequence, I
thought okay, this is actually pretty
cool and then not for a few moments after okay, shit, I’m bored I’m gonna leave. This is the only thing this
movie’s got left. I’m mean sometimes, I’m aware of that.
When ‘Piranha 3DD’ first released
its movie poster, I was instantaneously interested because I freakin’ loved the
first movie. Then the trailer came out. Bummer it was ter-ri-BLE. Then I find
out the guy who made the ‘Flesh’ movies is going to make this thing happen. I
must admit that I slightly have fetish for gory porn therefore I had my
interest tugged once more. I wasn’t disappointed with the gore; it was more
grotesque than the first, however sometimes these scenes tend to be messy too.
There was one scene in particular in which a piranha comes out off of a teenage
girl’s vagina and then eat the guy’s penis in an instant. I mean, it doesn’t
even make sense.
You’ll get confused in watching ‘Piranha
3DD’; at first it’s clear: Okay, I’m
familiar with this. It’s the movie which embraces the idea of nudity and
teenage sex. I didn’t even thought of it as a piranha movie, for Pete’s
sakes. Sometimes there are parody-esque scenes like one parodying ‘A Nightmare on the Elm Street’. It is not even aware of what to do with its own stupidity. ‘Piranha
3DD’ is one of the most perplexing movie I’ve seen in a time—probably the worst
kind, too.
Unnecessary and unwanted, ‘Piranha
3DD’ is one of those sequels which just pulls down a franchise to massive
mortality and sometimes…extinction. (I hope it won’t end like this, I had hopes
for this movie but…oh well.)
